Leng's chronicle...

Last night, I slept late at around 3:20 am (GMT +08:00) and I was drank from the previous night though haha.. (TGIS [Thank GOD it’s Saturday], it is suppose to be my blog entry today but I’m a little busy to add up spices with this article so next time around hehe…) I sleep late because of work pressure deadline…deadline…deadline I have to meet my deadline today and I made it that’s why I’m free enough to write this.

Oh well, I’m so used to stay up late at night until morning like I’ll sleep latest by 6:00am and then woke up at 7:00 am? Hahaha 1 hour sleep then goes to work from 8:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. (12 hours straight huh?) that is long hours man. How can I survive within the day staying at the office conducting classes in the morning and evening yet my stamina is still very high? Oh well (NO DRUGS PLEASE hahaha) let me tell you my secret… But beware KIDS do not try this at HOME hahaha….

Well this is how I overcome the dropping eyes, and headaches at the office…

• Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are "Kick Ass Bloggers"
• Let 'em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they've received an award
• Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to www.mammadawg.com
• Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!

I was sick yesterday, I hate to see a doctor coz I know that the prescription will be heavy, I don’t want to take many pills as though it heals yet it makes me weaker. Nonetheless if I don’t see a doctor, my boss would not consider my absence as a sick leave as but she will deduct it to my annual leave instead. (Oh no I have only 8 days left and I want to maximize it on December 2008… Hello BABAK see you this Christmas hohohoho… if this will be materialized, then it would be my first Christmas in my Hometown ISLAND GARDEN CITY OF SAMAL, PHILIPPINES since I left Philippines last 2004 to seek better prospect. Wow that was 4 yrs ago man… there’s no place like home huh??I'm supah excited...)

Back to the topic, kinda astray with that…well, it feels good if u don’t work but ur suppose to work u know hehe it's just that I fought with my illness and stress haiii life is so exhausting really, what the HELL yeah?

What is good thing about being sick is our willingness to stand up and fight the VIRUS that wants to rock our day. Furthermore, we are willing to fight because we are aware that our life is meaningful for others that we are not useless assholes, that someone needs us, someone love us and care for us… and I know that tis not only ONE but many…

It’s good to live knowing the value of your life, knowing the purpose of it although we are not perfect to totally abide what we are meant to do as GOD gave us choices even so, I’m overwhelmed with joy if I may want to cry now, I will just cry because I’m happy crazy huh? Hahaha.. tears of joy though not crocodile tears hahaha…

KEEP ON LIVING PEOPLE COZ AS WE JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE WE WILL MEET MANY UNEXPECTED UPS AND DOWNS. IF YOU FALL, NO MATTER HOW WHAT, WHY, WHERE AND WHEN?? JUST STAND UP AND WAVE… CGE NGA, KAW NGA…? HAHAHA… LIFE IS ABOUT FALLING DOWN AND STANDING UP… MATIRANG MATIBAY…

Inspirations

When you wake up each morning no matter how hectic your schedule would be, no matter how gloomy is the day, no matter how unhealthy you would be as long as you know that someone has thought of you and wishing you well would certainly transform the pessimistic vigor you have into cheerfulness. Don’t cha? Wahaha… I bet you do!! Cause I do… I call it inspiration…

Let me remind you with the word “INSPIRATION” as applied to a sacred text “The BIBLE”. It simply means that GOD himself inspired the writers and prevented them from writing any material with error. Thus, the authors of the Bible were inspired by God; that is, they wrote under the divine guidance of God.

In human text, inspiration is the stimulation or motivation of the mind or our emotions to a high level of feeling. When we are inspired we indeed transform pessimistic force into optimism. We don’t think negative thoughts ang sabi ni Kim Chui sa My Girl “Tira tira” in my version “Astig to dude” these are lines showing positive dynamism and this is apparent with a person that is truly inspired.

For me factors of being inspired are as follows:

1) Inlove

2) Being loved

3) Being Cared

4) Being thought

5) Being prayed

6) Etc.. etc… etc…

Oh well, LOVE LOVE LOVE it is the root of happiness as likewise the root of most miseries… As for now, I’m being held into heaven… I’m inspired… It’s good to be inspired because no matter how gloomy are the moods of the people around you, especially your BOSS (oh man) yet you just tend to return a smile and say OK sorry, I’ll do it again… otherwise ooppsss gimme a minute I’ll try to figure out so that it would meet your expectations… hmmm nakakarelate kba? Hahaha… In contrary, if you are not inspired, you tend to be moody, your hypertension sensitivity is really sensitive… petty things would ruin your day… you will complain a lot bla bla bla… oh no… I’m describing myself is it? Hehe… well that’s me when I’m desperate so better yet touch me not wahahaha…

It’s good to be inspired huh? Even when writing, it’s easy to choose words from my vocabulary than writing in a SAD temperament.

My time stamp while writing articles ummm if I’m desperate it will take me with a minimum of “2 hours” many delete keys or backspace strokes though but if I’m inspired or HAPPY well 1 hour is a little longer hehehe… No one wishes to be sad of course yet it’s part of life…

Chapter 1:

Confusions

When you are confused, you are unable to think with your usual speed or clarity. When confused, you have difficulty focusing your attention and may feel disoriented. Confusion interferes with your ability to make decisions.

Sometimes we get confused on which decision we should take as we fear to fail. We fear because we don’t want to regret indeed, our emotion will feel sorry about the risk we take, wishing it had not happened, but something else instead.

I have chatted with a friend early this week seeking for an advice for the decision she made as she realizes that she made a wrong decision. Regrets because of the wrong decision yeah? However, we will never know that we made the wrong decisions if we won’t make any decision at all.

To advice is easy but to do it is difficult, what a shame I told her that she should not make any quick decision based on her feelings because feelings will change. Yes indeed! I honor her for being so strong making decision knowing that the consequence might hit her so badly and yes it did and I can’t take that risk because I fear with the magnitude of the consequence that might hit me and to those who are involved. Playing safe huh?

Chapter 2

Letting GO

A decision to let go off someone you have invested much: your time, your love, your efforts, and your whole self in fact is very difficult.

Factors of the difficulty:

• You have endured a lot of pains but you are still kicking – why would you complain with the pain you have overcome already, if that person hurts you again so you should surely endure it. Does is sound stupid?
• Good Memories – and how about the best and treasured memories shared with that person? Sayang diba?
• What if’s – what if after you let go, you will realize the significance of that person?
• Dreams shared – and how about those dreams you shared? The dreams that you have initiated into plans and even into action already? The dreams that keep your motivation alive…(sigh)
• The good side of that person – how about those character traits that you best adored?
• The laughters and tears – how about the laughters and tears you shared through the years?
• Worried – It is indeed a factor to worry about him/her after letting go. What will happen next? Will he/she be fine? Can he/she endure the pain? It’s difficult to hurt someone huh? If you can bear the pain for him/her then you would… and if I could I would…huhuhuhu…
• Ummm no idea anymore… hahaha I want to make it 10 so that it would be very reasonable haha yet I was told that falling out of love does not need to have reasons…

What can you say baby? Should I stick with u? According to Nicole (PCD: Pussycat Dolls)

I don't wanna go another day

So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind

Seems like everybody is breaking up

And throwing their love away

But I know I got a good thing right here

That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever

Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u

You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby

Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

Force of evil!!!

How strong is the force of evil? My greatest challenge to overcome evil force is when the moment I pray, prayer is the elevation of the mind and heart to God in praise of his glory; a petition made to God for some desired goods or in thanksgiving for a goods received, or in intercession for others before God. Through prayer we experience a communion with God through Christ in the Church so in this moment of silence, we should lift up our whole self to GOD and contemplate whole heartedly, but EVIL sucks… every time I pray, evil is clinging on me, I talked to God but my sub-conscious mind is thinking of anything (what to eat, what to buy, unforgettable experience within the day, everything) to interfere my communication with GOD and it is extremely difficult to overcome with. The statistics of my successful prayers is 60% over 40%. The 60% is interfered by evil and the 40% is success. See how evil works? But damn you SATAN!!! Now I know the technique of having successful prayer with God.

To overcome the force of evil, we need to give more time when we pray, 5 minutes is not enough, it will just worsened it. At first, ask GOD to be with you, call His spirit, when you feel his presence or your sub-conscious is thinking of him praise him, praise him for the good things he have given you, if your mind is still out to somewhere else or to something else, continue praising HIM praise and praise and talk to GOD until the power of evil will be overpowered by GOD and that you will realize you are talking to him as your friend, telling him everything you worried about, your petitions, heartaches, failures, emptiness, achievements and everything. I have come across this experience and it was my greatest moment with GOD an experience of desiring to go over and over again with GOD. It’s the greatest triumph I had; defeating evil is indeed a fulfillment.

Believers will tell us that GOD is everywhere but evil too is everywhere that’s for sure. When we attend Eucharist, we feel so sleepy when the Priest will deliver his homily, but when our friend will tell us about someone’s funny outfit, overdo make up, cute guys and etc. we will be awakened and bully those innocents who were evil’s instruments for his combat with GOD. Damn thing!!! Reality isn’t it?

I was struck with this line, is it for real? That when you exit you can always find entry somewhere? I’ve been holding on for a love that I should say stupid love. I was hurt many times, I was a slave just to get a piece of love but I was happy though it’s just that there are many factors that shits around…

Why shit happens? Foolish… do I need to gamble to see whether there’s really an entry somewhere? I don’t want to be imprisoned with false hope because the percentage of the success of the dreams that I am holding on is very little yet I’m holding on with that small percentage huhuhu… But I’m scared to enter another entrance though what should I do? Well, can I just say I want to stay single forever? What do you think?

Emptiness

All of us have our own sentiments and loneliness. When I’m in solitude, I have the fear to be left alone. I don’t want to shed tears and I don’t want to see the corners of those memories. I would probably divert my time into doing foolish things. Most of us experience extreme loneliness. Others would say it’s unbearable (no such thing though). Although it is good to experience this so that when it strikes you once again, you are strong enough to overcome it yet, the magnitude of the pain will never dwindled over and over again.

Confusion has led me to many wrong conclusions which give me yet another misery. Wrong decisions or no decision at all is also playing around with my feelings. Well someone taught me feelings will fade, so I better stand on that conviction. However what if what you have been through is not just feelings? What if this is LOVE oh man… I do not want to grief over it once more… Why we need to feel emptiness??

Duhhh… I am living because of LOVE yet LOVE is leaving me behind huhuhu... Please let’s help fill each other’s emptiness because no one can ever complete their lives by themselves, we need somebody…

Hi, it's been a while since I update my blog. I was so busy these days. Well it wouldn't be long I just want to share a good experience.

Hahaha... You don't have an idea what am I talking about do u? Well, I had a good chit chat with an unexpected charismatic friend. Unexpected because I don't see her as someone I can share with my emo's (life's drama)At first I thought she's SUPLADA (hehehe PEACE)...Charismatic because I just felt a sudden feeling of ease and trust to share my sentiments.

Are you Introvert or extrovert? I chose this title because people often see me as Introvert. Introvert is defined as one who focuses primarily on their own mind, feelings, or affairs, and in contrary, Extrovert is a person concerned more with practical realities than with inner thoughts and feelings. I define myself as introvert because my plans, my dreams, my emo's is kept within me all these years yet, when I talked to her, I just caught myself describing almost who I am, my grudges, my pains etc. Although I haven't said enough which kept the part of me remained sealed within me I don't think I can endure of keeping those if I will keep on talking with her.

You may be asking, what's my point now! What am I trying to say? I just wanted to share that there are really gifted people capable of touching other lives and may be able to heal wounds out of expectation.

I just want to let you know that the principle of "I don't talk to stranger" may be a big lost for us because we will never know that the destined person who could have help us erased the questions, confusions, doubts and all those negativities in life could have been knocking on our doors yet we refuse to allow them to come in.

I may not be able to speak out everything but I felt contentment when I talked to her. For those introverts out there of course, the process of opening ourselves to others is so difficult so just share it gradually and sincerely. Then you would somehow free up some negative energies you have been keeping inside.

I am not a good listener because of the fact that I don't often open myself up for others. For those who have gift of being a good listener. I praised you people... Keep it up and continue...

This is your calling, this is your journey and this is one of the reason of your existence...