Leng's chronicle...

Indeed I’m tired now, but I felt I have an adrenaline to write about a good experience of inner triumph I am feeling right now.
I feel g

ood because for the past few weeks I felt like a friendship circle welcomed me to be a new member of their circle. At first I thought it won’t last, I thought once or twice will be enough and everything will be over but to my surprise, they always want to make sure of having me to be with them in any chances I can be and I’m so honored to know that. I felt the genuine longing of having my company to be part of theirs.

Maslow’s theory of Hierarchy of Needs states that human’s first and basic need is the Physiological needs. As human we basically need air, water, nourishment and sleep, of course I agree with that. Once these basic needs are achieved then we will start to secure ourselves. We wanted to make sure that we are always safe; we want to make sure that we are financially stable with financial reserves and if these are met then we will start to fulfill our social needs. We will start to long for a need of friends, a need for belonging and a need to give and receive love and this is where I got trapped.
As for my history, at my younger days I am indeed a socially inclined teenager. My teenage friends are extremes. I belong to a wild but fun group and I love them. I really love them and I miss them. I miss those crazy moments but life has to move on and change.
When I go to college, I belong to a different group with different personalities. I am the crazy one, we have Ms. Naïve, we have Ms. ambitious, we have Ms. Businesswoman, we have Ms. Leader and decision maker and I have one best buddy whom I linger on, we were so close that I couldn’t imagine losing her after graduation. She helped me so much; we helped each other a lot as if we are sisters. She is very close to my family and I get close to her family too. However after graduation we lost each other… I miss you wherever you are now. “Nunca te Olvidare“. That was my first lost and that my personality of being Ms. Friendship suddenly vanished. It hurts… but I endure.
Until I fall for love, and the stupid thing I did is that I gave everything. I gave all the trust, the love, the time, everything and then again I lost him. I lost a best friend and a lover. How can I trust again? I see people as impostors, plastics and users. I started to hate my life and the world and that’s why I live on my own. I started to don’t trust easily, I reject many friendship attempts. I started to live my life with less social interaction, I set boundary imposing to myself that social interactions will only be done when it’s necessary.
I became loner. I pretended to be tough enough to act that I don’t need anyone but myself even though deep inside my heart it bleeds like hell. It hurts. I was in deep pain and I thought the healing process will take forever.
But time heals wounds; I never thought I can be better. I am not at my best at this point in time but I’m better. I have few good people in my workplace; I also have good students who became my good friends.
Finally, I am happy to belong to a good circle of friends. I felt this feeling of something like “I belong to this circle”. When I wasn’t there, I know they want me to be there; and when I’m there; I know that it is complete because I’m there.
There’s no perfect friendship but I just feel good being around there. I didn’t feel that I was a burden, a problem or something. I know I may spoil someone’s mood or irritate someone at times because I’m human; thus, I’m not perfect and they are not perfect too because they are just humans; even so, what matters most is that I know, I belong to imperfect yet best circle of friends I can have.
Thank you people for accepting me, thank you people for inspiring me, thank you people for helping me to open up again, thank you people because you helped me reborn who I am and who I am suppose to be.